Soapy Battles Insomnia

Being a geek (well...not quite) I wiki-d the word insomnia and here's what I found:"Insomnia is a symptom which can accompany several sleep, medical and psychiatric disorders, characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep and/or difficulty staying asleep. Insomnia is typically followed by functional impairment while awake.

Both organic and non-organic insomnia without other cause constitute a sleep disorder, primary insomnia. One definition of insomnia is "difficulties initiating and/or maintaining sleep, or nonrestorative sleep, associated with impairments of daytime functioning or marked distress for more than 1 month." "

I think insomnia, to me is "difficulties initiating" sleep. I hate the feeling where I jsut lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling, unable to sleep. The more I can't sleep, the more stress I become, eventually, I just don't sleep until I am knackered out totally. Of course, not every single night is like that for me. I do have nights where I sleep just fine. I also sleep so much easily during daytime. The thing is, I really want to sort my bio-clock out.

I guess my sleeping patterns have been mucked up since I've started to work (aged 16?), all the jobs I've had finishes late (well in Meadowood I finished at 9 but because I hadn't done anything but work, when I get home I feel like sleeping, as if I wana do things I want to do because I haven't done all day long - awkward). But I don't really know the real cause of my sleeping habits. Perhaps it's stress. I worry about a lot of things. I really do. Be it things that are vital or not, I just worry about them. Perhaps it's my emotions -depression? I can't say I'm actually depressed, because I'm not like unhappy every single day, I do smile and I do laugh, it's just a lot of my friends portrait me as some moody girl probably on her periods every single day. I'm not though. Truth be told, you guys don't see me every day nor do you follow me around etc so honestly, I don't see why people like to think of me that way - maybe you guys just happen to always only catch me on my bad days =____="

I want to clarify this; I'm a person, I have feelings, I am living a life where there are bad things that happen to me and everything around me. Despite this, I have good things that happen to me too, and this is the thing - they don't come often. Basically, what I am trying to say is, I react on what happens to me or around me during the day. You never know in life, things just happen. I can't promise anyone that I will be a happy person etc. I won't lie and I won't pretend. However, I try. I really do. Someone took a piece of me, but I tried and still trying to get myself back into one piece again. I can't say I'm strong either.

Nevertheless, I'm not that bad as you guys think. Mood swings - yes. Everyday mood swings -no. I don't believe I've ever said much about people when they have their bad days, I either try to cheer them up (effort and a half I agree) or I choose to ignore that they are upset and what not but will stay beside them even if it means there's silence. It's ok, I'm very fond of silence, it's nice. =] Anyway, I take things day by day. And I always think, you haven't lived a life yet if you haven't cried as well as laugh. I hope you guys understand better of me now, if not a little. I'm a realist (well....can't say I'm a 100% realist) and when I have to pretend I'm this and that, it's suffocation. I can do it no problem of course, but it's like feeling really bloated lol! -so you know I can never be like them proper two face kinda people, I can't lie for sh*t. hahahaha

Oh my I'm going off topic now! I always tend to ramble on and on into something sorry. =___="

So anyway, last night (and you might as well count tonight as well...and some other nights too....) the insomnia got really bad. I was rolling and rolling in bed for hours. I took Nytol although I shouldn't because the side effects of what this pill gives me is such a pain like:

1. it's a depressant to me
2. it gives me heartburn (or something like heartburn...oh I don't know I don't do cardiac)
3. my breathing becomes heavy and sometimes I choke on it -not joking, I really do.
4. when I do eventually fall asleep and then wake up, sometimes, my body is all numbed out -I can't really tell if its numbness, but if not, it's as if my arms and legs have become ten times heavier to move.
5. this stuff don't work on me. I took them last night and I didn't sleep until hours later. occchh

I've been told to not take them ever again.

I went to work and my god I've never felt myself moving so slow before! Everything I was doing felt 10times slower of something, I don't mean the night was slow, just me being slow.

I was so tired and of course moody/grumpy. I think for a moment, I wanted to cry because I am so tired. Once I had finished work, I decided to go to the gym (yes my gym is 24hrs), which you might find as something silly to do when you're that tired, but I actually felt the need to run because this kind of tiredness has made me upset. =[

I don't know about you, but when I'm really REALLY feeling down in the dumps, I like to go for a run.

When I got home I decided that this insomnia needs to be dead. Because I think I was upsetting one or two people when I got home on msn/fb. It bugged me that. grrrrrr....!!!

So this is the plan get my sleeping patterns correct, if not at least get me to bed by 2am and not 7/8am (sometimes it's 10/11am):

• gym in the mornings
• go back on Evian/ Volvic...whatever...water will do and less less less coke, irn bru (awww man my fav drink) etc
• make sure I eat enough but not too much - because I know I can't sleep if I'm hungry.
• try not to take naps during the day, if I do though, no more than an hours nap.
• keep myself during the day - that way I won't take naps and tire myself out so that I could sleep at night
• NO MORE NYTOL

I know I won't keep to all the things listed, but if I do most of it I should be fine. =]

Now, it's 6:25, I ought to sleep.

I hope when I wake up I'll feel better like this =] and write more blogs (I've written a list of blogs and videos to do).

If you have any advice/suggestions for me you are welcome to comment below.

S.

xxx

ps. To the person I always give "grief" to: I'm sorry la. 5 ho lau la =[ Sorry for hmmmpphhh-ing you tonight >0<....!!!