Stalking

I've been stalking my favourite Hong Kong and Taiwanese celebs for the past hours and hours....and hours! I even managed to get a friend to do the same too...

To manage this, I decided to join a site thats extremely like twitter except it's in chinese, much to my surprise at the amount of celebs that go on it and how often they use it (it's rather like my ridiculous obsession with facebook).

Feel free to stalk me (but don't stalk me in the way that you go into asking me my msn and crap like that...I do not give out msn -I don't often reply people on msn anyway unless I like you or actually want to chat):


YOUTUBE CHANNEL:
http://youtube.com/user/soapytofu

BLOGS:
http://soapytofu.blogspot.com

chinese blog:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/soapytofu

TWITTER:
http://twitter.com/soapytofu

新浪微薄 chinese twitter:
http://t.sina.com.cn/soapytofu

I do actually get annoyed by a few particular people stalking me FB.... ... ... so let's no go into my FB eh!

One year and I still wish for the same thing

It's been a year now since our angels had passed away. Everyone has made their way through the pain one way or another, be it for real or just to cover up, it don't matter.
For me, no pain like this will heal entirely. It's been a year and I still wish for the same thing from day one: rewind to save you, fast-forward to see you.
I've learnt quite a bit over the year, listening to a little bit of other people's confessions about it all, noticing the changes going round then noticing the things that didn't really change at all and asking myself "when will you learn?"
Of course, I'm still the same brat as I am a year ago, the same crazy person, the same crybaby. So if you wanted to ask what I had actually learnt...well... it's hard to explain but in short, along the lines of, 勉強不會幸福的 and 知人口面不知心 -yeh I don't really know how I would explain it in english so I used chinese instead. =/ (I don't know, use google translate or something!)
Sometimes I wish I didn't learn things the hard way like this. I miss you two a lot. I may not talk about you anymore, I may not think about you each and everyday anymore, but I miss you. Sometimes, I avoid the talk and then other times I really want to talk about it. All mixed up really. =S
Grief comes in stages claims Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's On Death and Dying:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance 

I don't know if all stages could be trusted to be existed in terms of grief, but it strangely it has helped me as a sort of a guide; guide to keep me right at times when need be. There is a few maybes with acceptance though. I don't know if acceptance can be done. I know they are gone, but I know I still argue that they shouldn't be and that good kids like them shouldn't be taken away. I still argue within me. And what about the pain? It's still there like a scar, very similar to the one on my left leg. It stays and form time to time it will hurt. I could hide it but it's still there underneath all the plasters. It's not easy sometimes keeping up with it. For example, nightmares, they are the things I can not control in my sleep. The dreams bothers me when I wake up stunned at what my mind ad just imagined, ashamed to even dreamt a scene like so. So rarely do I find myself waking up to a dream that puts a smile on my face. Now, I'm not complaining, simply just going over my end of the line - I'm sharing, so for the millionth time, I did not put a gun to your head for you to read this.


I've been hesitant over to write or not to write about this tonight, but as usual, I decided to, be it sensible or not, I merely had this slight hope that you two would read this. I'm not here to flick the pain switch back on for anyone, if I did, I'm sorry. =[
Hey, thanks for the lil smile when I last came visit =] I felt it. The warmth. I'm serious. 
One day I'll see it for real. Time just needs to move on and so the rest of us will move with it but memories, they stay because we just don't have a delete button and even if we do, I won't delete it even if they pain me, I won't.


My part is done. I will not note of it again. There isn't much of a need anymore. The rest stays in my mind and the memories goes in my heart. 
歲月不會倒流 時間不會等候 能活就去活得像戲裡面的一樣:精彩 而人生就是喜怒悲哀的 你想哭就不如大哭 因為我知道你最後一定會大笑 =] 


Darlings, do you see?


520 我愛你 1314 一生一世


S.
xxx 
對不起 but too late. 我後悔了

I'm in HK!

So yeh, I'm in Hong Kong just now and its getting late, I ought to be in bed becuase the family is going to Saigon tomorrow *thinks of yummy seafod* ^__________^
I just got my hair cut today, I tried to find you guys a picture of the latest pictures of Lena Fugii as she was the inspirational image I used. I'm loving this new do although, its shorter than my usual length, I think it's good to change, besides, my hair will grow back -slowly. If in doubt opt for hair extentions lol!

I'm not happy with the colour that had came out though, I'm going to have to re-do it when I'm back in Edin =[ I thought that was a waste of money...though I'm glad my roots are gone! hahahaha

Just took off my red wine mask I bought today as well, can't tell you much about it since its my first time using it, maybe by the tenth time I'll tell you =]

So anyway lately I've been busy meeting up people and hanging with my famly (although I do admit I try to avoid it because I just don't have that mood for family stuff as bad as it sounds....it's tiring and requires too much of my patience.)
I went ice skating yesterday, oh my word! I can not skate, it's been YEARS since I've put on them skates and set foot on a huge ice patch -thats not literally true since it was heavily snowed down n icy during winter =/ I fell on my bum and it hurted but I laughed it off because it was actually funny as much as I hate falling hahahahaha in the end though, it was worth giving ice skating another go after all them years =D I had fun with my little friend David who was giving a good attempt in teaching me LOL I admire the patience.

I love going out to have dinner with my friends too ^^ Sushi and korean bbq!!!! awww man I'm so satisfied!!! I thank them people for taking me to good places to eat! And for the good laugh =]

And yes, I went drinking hahahaha and yes I loved it!

I'm in HK and I'm glad to be away to forget a few things that's been bothering me back home. I'm glad to be away and I'm hoping to go home with a clear mind. I'm hoping I will stick to the plan and let my little heart heal a bit. =]

Hope you guys are having fun wherever you are. ^___________^"

S.
xxx
ps. I know this blog is meant to be posted on my actual FB notes because it's not very cosmetic/skincare related....ahh weelllll same potato innit!

FOTD: Full volume faux lash

FACE

********************

Maybelline Pure Mineral Concealer in Nude Beige

Revlon PhotoReady Foundation in 03.Shell Coquillage

Revlon bronzer in 02.Sunkissed Bronze (for contour)

Topshop Make up blush in Neo Rose

Topshop Make up Highlighter in Sunbeam

EYES

********************

Bloom's retractable brow pencil in medium brown

Using the Sleek Original eyeshadow palette:

all over lid colour: navy blue mix with the black

Contour colour: gold

highlight colour: light rosey pink

Lashes: W7 faux lashes (doesn't have a number or name but its them really volumised ones -can't miss it)

L'oreal Super Liner in Carbon Black

MAC retractable liner in black

Maybelline Volum Express Turbo Express waterproof mascara in turbo black

LIPS

********************

Boot's No. 17 lasting fix lipstick in Blondie

Revlon lipgloss in Pastel Petal

REVIEW: M.A.C. Viva Glam Lipsticks

Oh my god, this review was suppose to be up weeks ago! >____<" I even said to a friend that I will be doing one when I first bought them. sigh....


So anyway, a few weeks back, I was MAC hauling and dear lord did I haul! Whilst waiting in queue to pay for the things I've decided to purchase - which was (just so you know):

Prep and Prime for face

Prep and Prime eye primer in medium

 Paint pots in Blackground and Indianawood (review later)

Technokohl eyeliner in black

Actually, now that I've listed them...I didn't actually pick up a lot...yet spent so much =_____=""

Ah well, moving on, so I was waiting in the queue and I saw testers for the Viva Glam lipsticks, remembering how people were going on about it I decided to purchase both Gaga and Cyndi -because I couldn't decide which one was better at the time.

The guy serving me seemed pretty over the moon knowing that I am purchasing them anyway and I think he looked like he prancing. How strange, but I thought it was rather cute nonetheless. 

So here they are:

SWATCHES

*********************

People have said the lipsticks are rather sheer and it takes a couple of coats before it get's to the colour like it's on the poster. They are rather sheer but I like them that way because it allows me to adjust the shade I want -versatile wear?! 

The resulting look it gives off is a glossy one I would say -well it's obvious it's not matte - so it's good, you don't have to apply lipgloss if you don't want to. 

Of course, these lippies smells yummy like most MAC lipsticks should (I'm not paying £12.50 each if they smell chemically in any sort of way.) Smells like cocoa butter =]

If you're asking me which is my fav...well I fancy the Gaga more. I love it because I could wear it anytime, it suits most looks I wear and thanks to the sheerness I could control how pigmented it should stain on my lips. Whereas the Cyndi, I'm not so sure about. =/ I do like it, but I would find it difficult to wear during a casual day etc. I'm probably just not a red lippy person. I have a friend who said I look weird with that lipstick on. =O I thought about giving it away but, nah, I'll keep it for nights out. ^^ 

Also "the full RRP (less VAT) goes towards helping women, men and kids everywhere affected by HIV and Aids." -so it claims on their website. So yes you get to do something good whilst shopping -oh the joy!

Soapy wearing Viva Glam Gaga

Soapy wearing Viva Glam Cyndi

So now I really ought to pack for my stay in Newcastle (party time! =])....that or I should SLEEP!!! u___u""

Soapy C.

xxx 

FOTD: Sun Star

FACE

*************

MAC Prep and Prime

Maybelline Pure Cover Mineral Concealer in Nude Beige

Maybelline Pure Foundation Mineral Loose Powder in Vanilla Rose

Revlon bronzer in 02. Summer Bronze

Topshop Make-up Highlighter in Sunbeam

EYES

*************

Bloom Retractable Brow Definer in Medium Brown

MAC Prep and Prime eye primer in Medium

Revlon ColorStay retractable eyeliner in Black (tight-lining)

Topshop Make-up trio shadow in Sun Star

L'oreal Super Liner in Carbon Gloss

Eylure faux lashes in no. 100

LIPS

*************

Rimmel Colour Show Off Lipstick in Shake-up Pink

Revlon Super Lustrous lipgloss in Coral Reef

*All pictures taken under natural light using my phone HTC Magic =O

Happy Father's Day =]

Soapy C.

xxx

Soapy Battles Insomnia

Being a geek (well...not quite) I wiki-d the word insomnia and here's what I found:"Insomnia is a symptom which can accompany several sleep, medical and psychiatric disorders, characterized by persistent difficulty falling asleep and/or difficulty staying asleep. Insomnia is typically followed by functional impairment while awake.

Both organic and non-organic insomnia without other cause constitute a sleep disorder, primary insomnia. One definition of insomnia is "difficulties initiating and/or maintaining sleep, or nonrestorative sleep, associated with impairments of daytime functioning or marked distress for more than 1 month." "

I think insomnia, to me is "difficulties initiating" sleep. I hate the feeling where I jsut lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling, unable to sleep. The more I can't sleep, the more stress I become, eventually, I just don't sleep until I am knackered out totally. Of course, not every single night is like that for me. I do have nights where I sleep just fine. I also sleep so much easily during daytime. The thing is, I really want to sort my bio-clock out.

I guess my sleeping patterns have been mucked up since I've started to work (aged 16?), all the jobs I've had finishes late (well in Meadowood I finished at 9 but because I hadn't done anything but work, when I get home I feel like sleeping, as if I wana do things I want to do because I haven't done all day long - awkward). But I don't really know the real cause of my sleeping habits. Perhaps it's stress. I worry about a lot of things. I really do. Be it things that are vital or not, I just worry about them. Perhaps it's my emotions -depression? I can't say I'm actually depressed, because I'm not like unhappy every single day, I do smile and I do laugh, it's just a lot of my friends portrait me as some moody girl probably on her periods every single day. I'm not though. Truth be told, you guys don't see me every day nor do you follow me around etc so honestly, I don't see why people like to think of me that way - maybe you guys just happen to always only catch me on my bad days =____="

I want to clarify this; I'm a person, I have feelings, I am living a life where there are bad things that happen to me and everything around me. Despite this, I have good things that happen to me too, and this is the thing - they don't come often. Basically, what I am trying to say is, I react on what happens to me or around me during the day. You never know in life, things just happen. I can't promise anyone that I will be a happy person etc. I won't lie and I won't pretend. However, I try. I really do. Someone took a piece of me, but I tried and still trying to get myself back into one piece again. I can't say I'm strong either.

Nevertheless, I'm not that bad as you guys think. Mood swings - yes. Everyday mood swings -no. I don't believe I've ever said much about people when they have their bad days, I either try to cheer them up (effort and a half I agree) or I choose to ignore that they are upset and what not but will stay beside them even if it means there's silence. It's ok, I'm very fond of silence, it's nice. =] Anyway, I take things day by day. And I always think, you haven't lived a life yet if you haven't cried as well as laugh. I hope you guys understand better of me now, if not a little. I'm a realist (well....can't say I'm a 100% realist) and when I have to pretend I'm this and that, it's suffocation. I can do it no problem of course, but it's like feeling really bloated lol! -so you know I can never be like them proper two face kinda people, I can't lie for sh*t. hahahaha

Oh my I'm going off topic now! I always tend to ramble on and on into something sorry. =___="

So anyway, last night (and you might as well count tonight as well...and some other nights too....) the insomnia got really bad. I was rolling and rolling in bed for hours. I took Nytol although I shouldn't because the side effects of what this pill gives me is such a pain like:

1. it's a depressant to me
2. it gives me heartburn (or something like heartburn...oh I don't know I don't do cardiac)
3. my breathing becomes heavy and sometimes I choke on it -not joking, I really do.
4. when I do eventually fall asleep and then wake up, sometimes, my body is all numbed out -I can't really tell if its numbness, but if not, it's as if my arms and legs have become ten times heavier to move.
5. this stuff don't work on me. I took them last night and I didn't sleep until hours later. occchh

I've been told to not take them ever again.

I went to work and my god I've never felt myself moving so slow before! Everything I was doing felt 10times slower of something, I don't mean the night was slow, just me being slow.

I was so tired and of course moody/grumpy. I think for a moment, I wanted to cry because I am so tired. Once I had finished work, I decided to go to the gym (yes my gym is 24hrs), which you might find as something silly to do when you're that tired, but I actually felt the need to run because this kind of tiredness has made me upset. =[

I don't know about you, but when I'm really REALLY feeling down in the dumps, I like to go for a run.

When I got home I decided that this insomnia needs to be dead. Because I think I was upsetting one or two people when I got home on msn/fb. It bugged me that. grrrrrr....!!!

So this is the plan get my sleeping patterns correct, if not at least get me to bed by 2am and not 7/8am (sometimes it's 10/11am):

• gym in the mornings
• go back on Evian/ Volvic...whatever...water will do and less less less coke, irn bru (awww man my fav drink) etc
• make sure I eat enough but not too much - because I know I can't sleep if I'm hungry.
• try not to take naps during the day, if I do though, no more than an hours nap.
• keep myself during the day - that way I won't take naps and tire myself out so that I could sleep at night
• NO MORE NYTOL

I know I won't keep to all the things listed, but if I do most of it I should be fine. =]

Now, it's 6:25, I ought to sleep.

I hope when I wake up I'll feel better like this =] and write more blogs (I've written a list of blogs and videos to do).

If you have any advice/suggestions for me you are welcome to comment below.

S.

xxx

ps. To the person I always give "grief" to: I'm sorry la. 5 ho lau la =[ Sorry for hmmmpphhh-ing you tonight >0<....!!!